century

yesterday, saturday, scenes of ordinary life in south of france: fights. I was there by chance, like walking to the cinema, like carrying a bag full of books, images and dreams from comics surrounding me. people out of buses, going back home, coming to sustain their chief, Jean-Marie Le Pen. The man is the new fascist, new official racist, new man to take the power, at last someone speaking aloud, they say, saying what we all believe, they say. I don't believe what he says, 'coz for me life is more complex. but I don't hate them, and won't consider them as a shame, or monsters, or bad people, or what is said by well thinking people - for I disagree with anyone who hates, so why would I?
they talked to me like I was part of them, I said I was on the other side of political life, I said I wasn't going with them, they said I would get to it, like Hitler said anyone would. I didn't know hitler had said that, but I see the meaning, and i fear for the future of my country.
so I talked to them, and don't hate them, and don't fear them, although the old woman talking in my right ear, with wrinckles and blue sad eyes, trying to be friendly and not noticing her own agressive tone. but a man shouted and hurt a placard - an image of this man lepen who was the reason of the gathering. hurting a picture is so bad, that he got 15 cops on him beating him (i might have pictures of it, i'll see how they come out tomorrow morning).
so i was sad and talked to the policemen (my boyfriend says that I am stupid, that one should never talk to those people, that they are obeying, and the real power is not them) - I know that they can choose, at some point, not to follow orders and kill. I know that they are like me, humans, and that i can't help looking at them with eyes of respect - and they didn't stop, coz all is useless, and it is getting worse.
at night, later, a fight in the street, all I can do is shout "one should not beat a human being! no one shout beat a human being", and my idealist view makes me look like silly, like a child who wants the world to behave and forgets reality.
and my boyfriend says I am silly. and he shouts because i must be more logical. and he says i must not believe that life can be nice and that people can be generous. and i know it is getting worse, because cities are big and people are afraid, that economics leads humanity to a mistake, through exploitation of anything just to get power and money. for power and money are the keys to happiness. (apparently)
and the worse is that these days should be glorious, coz the sand from the desert has crossed the sea and comes to visit us and punish the cars of their existence by making them so dirty one cannot believe they were cars at some point. and sounds get smooth in this atmospher, light changing color, from yellow to red, rain coming on top and making an enjoyable mud, slippery like soap, and dirty on top, an anti-soap for unpure humanity.
so what if the sand were to come everyday to punish us of violence. what if magic was there, and turkish delights would fill the souls of bad men in innocent children-like dreams?

ideas, after a few months with no access, no thought about it: it is not so stupid to write a blog when there is no place to read what I wanna read. if I write it, it might be once in the universe.
do I think anyone else is interested? no.
do I want anyone to know me ? no.
why do I write? coz I like to look at it, the sound of the key board is nice, it's warm in the room, no sound anywhere, what else to do?
cinema. right.
tomorrow, then.....

Today is the hotest day since the NFR started (new french revolution).
Need to drink a lot.
Sleeping is difficult.

this morning: out of bed, eating, listening to information on the radio.
I have a bed of my own, food and free radio.
happiness ?
for how long?